Tale of a Hot Topic!!!

This blog may be very sensitive to some...but I am telling you from the very beginning, that what you are about to read, are things that have happened to *ME* personally, during my many years of service in the "CHURCH."

I write this...because I hope with all my heart, that no one has to ever go through what I did. Some of what you are about to hear, I hope may be an eye-opener to some.

I am also going to say from the get go here...that I have had some wonderful dialogues with many...both those who believe in God and those who don't, in regards to this. I just want to thank those of you who reached out to me from the Christian community before, during and after my brain surgery.

I grew up in a Christian home. My mom was the one who took us girls to church and she was pretty much the spiritual leader in our home. My mom has a quiet faith...she lives by example...as I have mentioned before in my blog on her.

I went to Sunday school, church, Vacation Bible School, during summer breaks. I sang in the choir, sang solos, was involved in a puppet ministry for a few years, which I really enjoyed. I was actually pretty good at that too.

Now...you would think, that after having served all those years in the *CHURCH* that when trials came along, there would be people that would be there for you. At least, that is what I thought.

My experience was pretty much...that when I got sick, I was basically told, that I didn't possess enough faith...and that's why I wasn't being healed. That is the worst thing that you can ever tell a person. How dare...they judge me and tell me that what I am going through is a result of less faith than what they have.

If the the tables were turned, believe me, these same people that told me this...would look at this a lot differently. I am also here to tell you...that I judge no one...never have, never will.

This has been bothering me for years and I just need to get it out, once and for all and move on.

I got sick and tired of sitting in a pew Sunday after Sunday...and made to feel like my life wasn't in line with God's will....just because I happen to be living with a disease, that I knew, I would have the rest of my life. I was in despair, people here...I really thought my life was over, as I knew it. That was the last thing I needed.

I ended up leaving that church and trying another one. I was not a church hopper by any means...but I just didn't feel like I could stay there any longer.

I got involved once again..but it was very difficult, because I was still in the very early stages of my RA and I could hardly walk. Standing for choir was extremely difficult...but I enjoyed it so much, that I toughed it out. All this time, I kept getting advice from people...who were so clueless about it all.

So I tried to plug along, but it got more difficult all the time. I was so fatigued with the RA and simply 
couldn't keep up with everything. Little by little, I dropped my involvement. I finally left that church and tried another one. This time...I decided, that I would just take it nice and slow and just maybe sit back for a change. It was alright for a while...but I never felt very welcome there..so I just decided, that I was just going to quit going once and for all.

My mom attended that same church and when she asked someone to visit my dad...when he was in the hospital...no one came.

When my sister died...no one called me from the church...that I had served so long in. That really hurt. I lost my sister and I felt so alone.

When my dad died...it was pretty much the same thing...so there we were once again all alone.

So when I got my brain tumor...I just told my mom, that I wanted no one contacted because they didn't care then...and I wasn't expecting much...so why bother. This is when I had my heart to heart with mom...about how I had been treated in the church and why I don't attend anymore.

Even after all of this...I believe in God...because I realize, that it's the people who did this...that are not truly living up to their Christian values.

This is my whole take on my relationship with God. Christianity is a relationship. Relationships are personal and no one has a right to judge what is in my heart. ONLY God knows my heart and no one else. Don't flaunt it..just live it! Don't make others feel inferior...just because you don't think...they possess enough faith.

They don't have any idea...what my personal life with God is like. I don't know what your lives with or without God are like. I don't have any right to judge and neither do you. You also have to be careful when you are talking about religion...that you don't do it out of hatred or malice. You don't know...what that other person believes and really, that is just none of your business.

I also don't go around telling others how great I am...just because I happen to have God in my life. I don't think you should EVER have to tell someone, that you are a Christian...JUST LIVE IT!

I have lots of people who come to me...for advice because they know, I don't judge them. I have been through so much...that I never want another living soul, to go through what I have. It hurts so much.

I just hope you will read this with an open mind... without anyone taking umbrage...with what I have just shared. Like I said...these are things that have happened to me...I can't change them...but I don't have to allow myself to ever go through this again EVER!

I want to close with this...don't ever tell someone just because they have God in their lives...that it is going to be an easy ride. Life is not always wonderful all of the time and yes...even people who have God in their lives get depressed. Don't make them feel ashamed for those feelings. Stand by them and help them get through those rough times.