A Tale of Big Feelings...

Hello again! It's Trevor with our June tale. This time folks, we are going to delve into something deep and I'm not talking about digging for bones. BOL  We are going to share about Brenda's acquired brain injury, which was a result of her having a craniotomy performed on her right frontal lobe. 

She was instantly inducted into the frontal lobers club. Belonging to this club was scary for Brenda at first. She didn't understand why she would start sobbing or become angry at the drop of a hat. She thought something was seriously wrong. The removal of this brain tumor was supposed to solve the problem, not create even bigger ones. That's not how life works, as we know it. 

Frontal lobe syndrome was explained to Brenda by a professional this way. It can cause you to become angry quicker or easily brought to tears. It's caused by trauma to the brain. It is considered a brain injury. As was mentioned above, an acquired one. The frontal lobe has also been referred to as "The White House" of the brain. Speaking of The White House, I wonder how Champ and Major are doing? BOL I kinda got off the track there for a moment. BOL

Let us continue. Once this was explained to Brenda what was causing her to react to certain situations and she became connected with others who deal with this, it was a great comfort. We want anyone who may be dealing with these issues to know, that you're not alone. Brenda has found that writing her thoughts and feelings down on paper is a wonderful source of therapy. Brenda's mother had encouraged her to do this years before. 

It wasn't until 6 months after her craniotomy, that she started her first journal. She is currently on her 12th one. Three months after Brenda started her 1st journal, she sat down one Friday morning and composed her 1st blog post. This was several years before I came on board. Another thing that happened as a result of this acquired brain injury, is that Brenda become creative and started writing. As Brenda describes it; "both a blessing and a curse." 

The curse is having to deal with deep feelings. It can happen while watching a TV show. Brenda can all of a sudden start sobbing. It's happened while listening to a song or seeing someone being wronged. That's where empathy comes in. Brenda now possesses more for others and even for herself. It's okay to have empathy for yourself. 

Going through what she did was a big deal. Her neurosurgeon's nurse told her as much. Brenda was still a little naive after her brain surgery, because quite frankly, she was never actually told that she had a brain tumor. It was referred to as a mass, lesion or the type of brain tumor that she actually had, a meningioma. The word brain tumor was never used. I think that is why Brenda was so shocked when she found out how it would have to be removed. "You mean you're are going to have to drill my head open?" The nurse on the other end said; "How did you expect it to be removed?" The shock had still not worn off at this point. Brenda and her mother were so calm about it all. 

Brenda thought this mass, lesion or meningioma would be removed and her life would go on. It was about a month after that she experienced her first bout of frontal lobe syndrome. Brenda was going to have a CT and would be injected with dye to get a better view of how things looked. They were having problems getting the needle in for the IV, nothing new for Brenda. That has always been a difficult thing to deal with. This time though was different. Brenda started crying and I mean sobbing. They thought she was hurting from the fact, that they were having problems getting the IV started. She assured them that was not the case. It was right then and there that Brenda realized she had been through something serious and she made it. Now what was she going to do? 

That's frontal lobe syndrome to it's highest degree. She was dealing with big feelings and felt so afraid and had no idea how to handle it. They handed her a box of tissues and she tried to compose herself. The first year of being a brain tumor survivor was probably the hardest for that reason. Brenda was still trying to figure out what to do with these BIG FEELINGS. 

Even now, the month of May and especially around the time of her craniversary can be emotional for her. Brenda is going to take some days off this September to celebrate her 13th craniversary. 

Within the past couple of weeks, Brenda has had to endure the anniversaries of her mother's and sister's deaths. It was 10 years for her mother and 18 for her sister. Her mother was her greatest cheerleader and  caregiver after her brain surgery. Her sister always encouraged Brenda to try new things. She would be so proud of her now, wouldn't she? 

May was a special month for Brenda this year. She was able to get several things accomplished regarding advocacy and spreading awareness for brain tumors and brain cancer. Brenda was inspired by a coworker to contact someone about possibly having a special day to go Gray in May and what better day of the week than Friday, which is usually their Jeans Day. Brenda was so happy this happened and she made a point of recognizing that person with a nudge on their new employee website that was just created recently. 

It was emotional in the fact that Brenda experienced happy tears, knowing that by taking that risk, she had a chance to make a difference that day. She even got to share a little about her story with a poem. 

Brenda has had some frustrating events happen recently. One thing that has changed with her personality, is that she is not nearly as patient with some individuals. Brenda takes it upon herself to get things done and expects others to follow. That isn't realistic in every instance, which Brenda is aware, but it still can be frustrating. 

There is also the other side of the coin. Brenda feels like she has to hold her deep feelings in, so as not to hurt or make someone uncomfortable. Is that fair to Brenda? Not really! 

She's been told that she has an ugly personality and nothing is good enough for her. For the record, those individuals are no longer a part of her circle. Brenda was dealing with shingles at the time of the 2nd comment but never mentioned that she was experiencing post herpetic neuralgia, which can literally get on your nerves. 

Today, Brenda's ankles were so swollen. She actually showed them to one her coworkers because they asked her if this weather was hard on her joints. Yes, OA is a royal pain with this weather. Brenda felt like crying all day and wanted to be left alone. Tonight as I'm telling this tale, her ankles are still swollen. 

Brenda wanted this tale told, so that you can take comfort in knowing that if you're struggling with deep feelings on your brain tumor journey or any other journey, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 

As promised we are unveiling our new photo for the end of this tale. We hope you were able to glean some practical tips and might I suggest, writing about those DEEP FEELINGS! You will feel so much better. 

Until next time, this has been another T Man Production. 

~T Man barking off~

We have an update to share. President Biden and his family lost their beloved Champ. Brenda and I are so sorry for your loss. Doggone it!