A Tale of Brenda's Truth...
Hello my fellow readers, this is Trevor, with our monthly tale. This one has been a long time coming. Brenda has some thoughts, that she wants me to share with you.
The holidays can be a very difficult time, especially if you are going to be spending them alone. Brenda in all likelihood will be. This will be her 7th Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. that she will be alone for.
Some of the suggestions she has received are not only ridiculous, but are not even feasible. Brenda does not own a vehicle, so she depends on taxi cabs, to get her where she wants to go. If she makes a trip to the mall, that ends up becoming an expensive day. She needs to at least make it worth her while, for taking the round trip in the first place. It usually includes having lunch, doing some shopping, perhaps getting her hair trimmed, etc. You get the idea.
Brenda has been told she should volunteer at churches. How does she get there? We live in North Dakota. If you have ever been here, you know that we get snow. Sometimes a lot of it and add that to the ice that can be on top. Brenda as you know, lives with RA and that in itself makes it difficult to get around. So she is supposed to trudge in the snow, to get to a place to volunteer, where she would be so tired by the time she got there. It makes no sense folks!
Brenda has become quite careful who she asks for rides. Some people can be so rude. So you know, she would compensate you, if it were out of your way. She was actually told once, "We will pick you up this one time, but not again, as it is out of our way." That was real nice now, wasn't it? This is why Brenda ends up not going to a lot of places. The humiliation of asking for a ride and having to hear something like that is astounding. This was actually from someone in a church, where she used to attend. Brenda no longer attends church, but that is a story, that has already been covered, so we are not going there.
Another crazy idea was that she should start a new tradition and bake cookies on Christmas. What is she supposed to do then, eat all of them?
If you have the luxury of having your family with you on any holiday,. I don't think you can begin to even imagine, that magnitude of sadness that enters into the equation of isolation and having to be alone.
We are not sharing these truths to make anyone feel bad. Brenda wants to bring across, that it is not easy dealing with this season. She is sure there are others out there, that experience this and that is why she wanted to share this in the first place.
Brenda is passionate in her advocacy work, and that is why she takes it so seriously. That is her time to be able to be connected with people. She looks forward to her monthly teleconference calls and being able to chime in with her arthritis family.
Brenda had a blog post published this week, about her involvement, with all of the writers, who were part of the book project; Real Life Diaries: Living with Rheumatic Diseases. It was a joy for Brenda to be able to share this. It may seem like a little thing to you, but that is what Brenda enjoys doing, writing and helping others.
Brenda is not feeling sorry for herself here. Quite the opposite. She has gone to the mall other years for Christmas Eve, but there is always that chance, of the weather not cooperating. She is then obviously not going to get out and end up being alone.
Brenda also handles, how she deals with gift giving. She basically gives to charities that she can trust. They have already been chosen. This is a tradition that was started, when her sister, was battling her colon cancer and has continued since.
She no longer sends out Christmas cards, as her hands cannot handle all of that writing. It was enough to send out all of the thank-you notes, after her mother's passing. She did most of that alone, as she felt it needed to be done right away. Again, stating facts here. Brenda does after all live with a chronic illness. She works full-time and fatigue is her biggest enemy.
Brenda can no longer travel alone, as her sense of direction is much worse since her brain surgery. That was pointed out to her, several weeks ago, which was not necessary. She is aware of it. She didn't need to be reminded of it.
Brenda has gone through so much. There seems to be a pattern in that she is never outright told certain things. She was not actually told she had RA or a brain tumor. She had to find out that one of her relatives passed away, by reading it in the newspaper, yet others had known for days. If you are reading this and it is making you uncomfortable, no apologies here.
Plans are made and she is often times excluded. That is not cool. She would not do that to you. Brenda tries to include those around her. That goes for her advocacy work as well. She knew people that would be great for this book project, and she ended up recruiting over half of the writers. She is not sharing this to brag, but to share that being included, is a kind gesture.
The truth can hurt, but we felt it was imperative, that we share this. Notice, that I was serious through this whole post. I care about Brenda and want only the best for her. I am sure that goes for her true friends also.
This is Trevor, leaving you with a thought; "Kindness never costs a thing."
~Golden Hugs, Trevor~
The holidays can be a very difficult time, especially if you are going to be spending them alone. Brenda in all likelihood will be. This will be her 7th Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. that she will be alone for.
Some of the suggestions she has received are not only ridiculous, but are not even feasible. Brenda does not own a vehicle, so she depends on taxi cabs, to get her where she wants to go. If she makes a trip to the mall, that ends up becoming an expensive day. She needs to at least make it worth her while, for taking the round trip in the first place. It usually includes having lunch, doing some shopping, perhaps getting her hair trimmed, etc. You get the idea.
Brenda has been told she should volunteer at churches. How does she get there? We live in North Dakota. If you have ever been here, you know that we get snow. Sometimes a lot of it and add that to the ice that can be on top. Brenda as you know, lives with RA and that in itself makes it difficult to get around. So she is supposed to trudge in the snow, to get to a place to volunteer, where she would be so tired by the time she got there. It makes no sense folks!
Brenda has become quite careful who she asks for rides. Some people can be so rude. So you know, she would compensate you, if it were out of your way. She was actually told once, "We will pick you up this one time, but not again, as it is out of our way." That was real nice now, wasn't it? This is why Brenda ends up not going to a lot of places. The humiliation of asking for a ride and having to hear something like that is astounding. This was actually from someone in a church, where she used to attend. Brenda no longer attends church, but that is a story, that has already been covered, so we are not going there.
Another crazy idea was that she should start a new tradition and bake cookies on Christmas. What is she supposed to do then, eat all of them?
If you have the luxury of having your family with you on any holiday,. I don't think you can begin to even imagine, that magnitude of sadness that enters into the equation of isolation and having to be alone.
We are not sharing these truths to make anyone feel bad. Brenda wants to bring across, that it is not easy dealing with this season. She is sure there are others out there, that experience this and that is why she wanted to share this in the first place.
Brenda is passionate in her advocacy work, and that is why she takes it so seriously. That is her time to be able to be connected with people. She looks forward to her monthly teleconference calls and being able to chime in with her arthritis family.
Brenda had a blog post published this week, about her involvement, with all of the writers, who were part of the book project; Real Life Diaries: Living with Rheumatic Diseases. It was a joy for Brenda to be able to share this. It may seem like a little thing to you, but that is what Brenda enjoys doing, writing and helping others.
Brenda is not feeling sorry for herself here. Quite the opposite. She has gone to the mall other years for Christmas Eve, but there is always that chance, of the weather not cooperating. She is then obviously not going to get out and end up being alone.
Brenda also handles, how she deals with gift giving. She basically gives to charities that she can trust. They have already been chosen. This is a tradition that was started, when her sister, was battling her colon cancer and has continued since.
She no longer sends out Christmas cards, as her hands cannot handle all of that writing. It was enough to send out all of the thank-you notes, after her mother's passing. She did most of that alone, as she felt it needed to be done right away. Again, stating facts here. Brenda does after all live with a chronic illness. She works full-time and fatigue is her biggest enemy.
Brenda can no longer travel alone, as her sense of direction is much worse since her brain surgery. That was pointed out to her, several weeks ago, which was not necessary. She is aware of it. She didn't need to be reminded of it.
Brenda has gone through so much. There seems to be a pattern in that she is never outright told certain things. She was not actually told she had RA or a brain tumor. She had to find out that one of her relatives passed away, by reading it in the newspaper, yet others had known for days. If you are reading this and it is making you uncomfortable, no apologies here.
Plans are made and she is often times excluded. That is not cool. She would not do that to you. Brenda tries to include those around her. That goes for her advocacy work as well. She knew people that would be great for this book project, and she ended up recruiting over half of the writers. She is not sharing this to brag, but to share that being included, is a kind gesture.
The truth can hurt, but we felt it was imperative, that we share this. Notice, that I was serious through this whole post. I care about Brenda and want only the best for her. I am sure that goes for her true friends also.
This is Trevor, leaving you with a thought; "Kindness never costs a thing."
~Golden Hugs, Trevor~
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