A Tale of Competition...

Hello my fellow readers! Trevor aka T Man right out the gate with our October tale. A gate to me is a place where I try to escape. BOL Had to get that in there, but seriously, we are going to explore the aspects of competition. I'm not referring to sports here, but how others make those feel who deal with serious chronic conditions, not always visible. Your comments without knowing the whole story or even giving those who live with these challenges a chance to explain can be hurtful and yes, even harmful.

Let me cite for you an example. Brenda had this friend once and sadly, they are no longer an intricate part of her life. Every time she would be with this person and Brenda would try to even explain the slightest thing that was going on with her rheumatoid arthritis (RA) it would be the same song, "You should see our friend's hands, they are so crippled up and she has it much worse." I'm going to stop you right there, how do you doggone know this? Yes, I'm using my doggy voice here. BOL. Let's continue and I will help you understand the ramifications of being so uncaring with such a comment. Yes, it's not caring and quite frankly, it makes Brenda angry and sad. Like I said, let's move on...

Brenda has always had challenges in her life. She was a sickly child and when she was in the 4th grade she ended up being hospitalized with bronchial pneumonia and then of all things, broke out with the measles. A lot of her classmates were getting them that year, so no surprise really. It was that Brenda was 35 miles away from her home and family. Imagine, having to deal with all of that alone? Her physician at the time felt bad, that he ended up bringing her a gift, a pixie doll, which she still has to this day. 

Brenda ended up spending almost 5 days in the hospital. That is a long stretch to be without your family at such a young age. Her parents did come to visit, but they always had to go back home after. Brenda understands isolation almost too well. The pandemic anyone? Brenda has not been going too many places lately, outside of work. She still has her groceries delivered and tries to treat herself at least once a week with a food delivery, to help out local businesses. Brenda has a big heart and knows what it's like to struggle. 

Brenda also knows that her friends with chronic diseases and conditions each struggle in their own way. We have no idea what they all go through. You probably would not want to know, but for one moment, don't think that it's always worse for someone else, because you don't really know that. Even voicing that opinion is not necessary or is it helpful. It can also be harmful to the person who is dealing with their said affliction or struggle.

If you see someone with a limp, that is obvious that they are dealing with a sore leg, knee, ankle, well you get the idea. Then you have another individual who is quietly dealing with terrible head pain or migraines and someone has the audacity to say, "Everyone gets headaches" I take an aspirin and feel much better." Well, good for you. Brenda cannot take aspirin. It upsets her stomach and then she would have to take something else. It ends up becoming a vicious cycle, but like they said, everyone gets headaches, so move on and keep it to yourself. 

Brenda actually experiences head pain as a result of having had a craniotomy for her right frontal lobe meningioma brain tumor. It's caused by scar tissue or trauma that was brought on by the procedure. She got that same song, about others getting headaches. This is not a simple headache. It's like someone setting fire to your head, much like an inflamed joint, which Brenda is very aware because of having lived with RA for 30 years. 

Brenda knows what to do when it gets bad, wearing a tight cap seems to help constrict the blood vessels, much like drinking caffeinated beverages, something Brenda no longer does, because of her high blood pressure issues. Brenda experienced migraines for well over 30 years, so she understands that they are real and can put you out of commission. Brenda's were a result of her monthly cycle and this was something that was not revealed to her for years, until she mentioned that they usually came on about the 3rd day. She also was diagnosed with endometriosis, so she was on a contraceptive medication for that. It turns out that medication could have actually been part of the problem as well because of hormones, etc. When Brenda reached menopause and after several months of stopping that particular medication, her monthly migraines stopped. It has been over 10 years now, since she has had one. She still gets headaches, but the head pain is by far the worse to deal with. 

Brenda would never downplay another person's chronic illness, because there are those she works with who deal with migraines, even a former boss of Brenda's (a man) still gets them. He knows what triggers them and it was the same, it took years to figure it out. We all have our ways of dealing with our issues and this thing with competition of telling another that someone else has it worse, needs to go away. It's not HELPFUL and could also end up being HARMFUL! Let that sink in. It reminds Brenda of a blog post that she wrote years ago before I came on board, 'Helping or Hurting' She actually wrote this in tandem with the request of another author and friend, Rich Woods. It was a wonderful experience. His was titled: Truth and Consequences. They were both their feelings about the self-health industry. This was before Brenda started her own personal blog, which by the way, will be 12 years on the 13th of this month. It has been a great ride for Brenda and of course for me, being her storyteller all of these years. 

Kind of got off the track here, but you get the idea. Never discount another person's struggle. If you don't know what to say, consoling someone works wonders. You end up saying more by that gentle connection. No competition there. BOL

We hope you have enjoyed another T Man Production. Remember, when you don't know what to say, be there anyway, it's the right thing to do. 

~T Man barking off~