A Tale of Loss...

Hello my fellow readers, it's Trevor aka T Man with another tale for October as promised. This one will be a difficult one to navigate and for Brenda to share, with my paws at the keyboard. BOL We are going to be exploring the subject of loss. 

There are many sides of the spectrum, loss of a loved one, your health, job, etc. the list could go on and on. 

Brenda knows all too well about losses she has sustained in her immediate family. Family dynamics can be tricky and I'm sure you have even dealt with situations where you are estranged from family members. Brenda always wants this blog to be real and transparent as possible. She has dealt with the estrangement of a sibling for well over a decade. It was their choice to part ways and Brenda no longer can shed tears for something she has no idea what caused this in the first place. 

Brenda has even been contacted about how this sibling is doing. She has no idea. Brenda attempted to reach out to them during her mother's illness, but to no avail. This is definitely a loss, but one that Brenda can no longer mourn. For her health and well-being she has to move on. Does that make her a bad person? Certainly not, like what was presented above, she has no idea to this day, what caused this fracture in her family.

Her sister who she lost in 2003 from colon cancer was the core of their family. She made every attempt to attend activities and support the best she could. Brenda is grateful for the time they had right after she was diagnosed. They had a heart to heart and that is something Brenda will always treasure. 

Her father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's soon after she passed. Brenda had never seen her father weep before, but he did at her funeral. They all did. It was a difficult thing to go through. She feels that did him in and things started to escalate. His battle ended some 4 years later.  That was in 2007. 

Brenda and her mother became close as a result of this experience. Brenda's mother asked her to stay with her on weekends, so she wouldn't have to be alone. Brenda had stayed on weekends as much as she could while her father was still alive, to give her mother a break. She needed to feel useful as she suddenly had lost the one she had been caring for. 

Brenda's mother became ill in early 2011 and that journey lasted until May 31st. Brenda's mother had also been her caregiver after her brain surgery and for most of the first year. Brenda struggled with being alone at night and would spend a great deal at her mother's apartment for company. 

The month before Brenda's mother passed away, her oldest sister's husband died by suicide. Brenda's mother wanted to go to the funeral, but she was now down to 88 pounds and how would anyone be able to take care of her, if something had gone wrong. She was in the nursing home at the time, so Brenda made a decision with the doctor's advice to not let her go. Brenda decided to stay home as well, so she could be near. At this point Brenda didn't know how much longer her mother had to live. She was already told that she was dying. 

Her mother passed away on May 31st. She was with them longer than they thought. Brenda wanted to make sure the whole family had a chance to see her, including her estranged sibling. 

There has been so much lately with losses. Coworkers losing one of their parents. Brenda understands all too well what it is like. Brenda believes that the best thing you can do is to continue living your life and honor their memory. That's all part of Brenda's promise to her mother. 

Brenda lost her oldest sister last year to Alzheimer's. Due to the pandemic and the fact that Brenda lives with several underlying health conditions, it was in her best interest not to attend the funeral. She was able to see the streaming after. Brenda was a flower girl at her wedding and they were close, because she lived at home yet. 

Brenda even felt she was qualified to be involved with a book project on helping the newly bereaved. It was a book designed for those who didn't know what to say or do, as a guide. It's different when you experience a loss. 

As they say; "Grief has no timetable." Brenda goes back and forth on this all of the time. She misses all of those who have passed and yes, her estranged sibling. 

We hope when you read this, that you consider contacting Brenda, as this was difficult to put into words, but has been on her heart for many weeks. We hope it may help someone out there, who has just lost a loved one or perhaps has an estranged relative as well. It's more common than you think. 

Until next time, this has been another T Man Production. 

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